Mindfulness When Things Go Wrong
Posted by June Atkind, LICSW
Meditation can be intrinsically rewarding – a brief vacation or respite
from the hustle and bustle of daily life, a relaxing or refreshing
activity, or even a time set aside to connect with a community of fellow
meditators. Following each meditation session there may be a lingering
feeling of relaxation, the sense of being a bit more grounded, and a bit
less reactive to challenging events. The same may be true, however, for a
number of activities, like taking a nap or a bubble bath, sitting with a
good book, or having a glass of wine with a friend. With so many demands
on our time, why choose to sit in meditation?
When things go wrong, our “fight-or-flight” response takes hold. For our
distant ancestors who lived in primitive conditions, surrounded by wild
beasts, far from the top of the food chain, the activation of stress
hormones that allowed them to spring reflexively into action to save
themselves was crucial to human survival. In our complicated and complex
modern world we typically do not encounter tigers or other predators with
teeth and claws, but instead are bombarded daily with challenges from
social, psychological, financial, electronic, environmental, political,
and so many other domains. Because our brains have not evolved to keep
pace with such radical change, we tend to perceive and react to all kinds
of challenges as if they were tigers – our bodies tense, our breathing
becomes shallow and rapid, our attention narrows, and we experience
intense urges to either attack or run away from the situation. When we
become caught up in the fight-or-flight response in contexts where it is
not called for, our behavior is likely to be counter-productive to
effectively responding to the actual situation at hand.
A meditation practice is to mindfulness what regular exercise is to
fitness. One meditation session, like a single trip to the gym, is not
going to produce significant or sustained results. Hopefully, in addition
to the possibility of some short term positive feelings, the single
session will allow us to experience the deeper satisfaction of knowing
that we have done something that is contributing to our overall health and
well being, and a boost of confidence that despite the inconvenience or
discomfort, “I can do this!” If this sense of deeper satisfaction and
confidence boost result in another meditation or exercise session, we may
be on track to realizing some tangible benefits. Just as working our
muscles, over time, will result in greater endurance and strength,
meditation practice, over time, cultivates the quality of presence we call
mindfulness.
Mindfulness, the ability to remain rooted in the present moment, able to
take in information from the external environment, and experience sensory
changes as sensory changes and not as indicators of imminent physical
danger, allows for improved assessment of, and response to things that go
wrong. In most cases, the outcome will be improved by pausing, gaining
greater perspective on the situation, considering options, and choosing a
response most likely to navigate the challenge successfully. Failure to
respond mindfully may even lead to secondary problems, as when we react
aggressively (“fight”) and are then faced with consequences our own bad
behavior, or when avoid dealing with (“flight”) smaller problems that then
grow into bigger problems. Mindfulness may also prevent the sorts of
problems that we frequently associate with “mindlessness”, as when we
caught up in distractions that result in losing or forgetting our
belongings, missing turns, or saying things without thinking rather than
pausing, considering our current circumstances, and responding
thoughtfully.
Things will go wrong. If you start, or recommit to a regular meditation
practice today, maybe they won’t go wrong as often, and when they do go
wrong, you may be better able to get back on track sooner. Please see the
Needham Psychotherapy Associates website: www.npaonline.com, or
for some resources to help in
your pursuit of greater mindfulness.